structure

*twirls in a circle* weeeeeeeeeeee!!

geeze... i don't know where to start.

it seems like there is so much going on and it's hard to keep up. but then, sometimes it seems like there is nothing going on and my mind wanders. i feel like i have no structure unless it's the weekend. the weekends have their own routine, but the rest really doesn't.

socially things are going swimmingly. it's been nice to have lunches with the girls and shopping and just general good times with good friends. i'm really starting to like this thing that my life is becoming since my horrid divorce.

i know i was going somewhere with that, but my mom just called and got me all side tracked. she does that sometimes.

we talked about life, mostly mine. also, we talked about my trip. i was planning on taking a trip to see her and the family and to hit vegas with my cousin while i was out that way.

well, after talking to my cousin, we've decided to put that on hold for a while. jobs, money and life are in the way right now. it's just not a good time to take a trip for either of us. and really, i'm not upset about it. there will be plenty of other chances to go another time.

plus, there are heart shaped things that i'm not willing to leave behind right now.

in other news: i'm taking better care of myself. i'm eating better and exercising more. the nice weather we've been having isn't hurting either. i am so happy to be able to go to my regular walking track.

in other other news: it's monday and i'm not on the verge of tears! yay!! monday hates me and usually makes it known. maybe we make this a trend? i think it def helps that i have things to look forward to this week :)

here's something kinda sexy, the color of day by remy shand. i hope you all have a stellar week!!

calmly and rationally

i love and am loved. <----- that is an awesome feeling!!

sometimes it's complicated. some people just don't get it. well, ya know what? i don't expect them to. nothing i do is ever easy. that's just the way it is.

i'm a grown up. as much as i don't want to be, it's true. i am a mother and have normal responsibilities. i pay my own bills and make my own decisions. i think that that entitles me the ability to define my relationships however i like. don't you?

*steps down from soap box*

*deep breath*

ahh... i feel much better now.

so how is everybody? i know this whole hit and miss thing that i've been doing lately is becoming the norm. i'm not sure if i'm ok with that. i miss blogging. i swear i've been meaning to get these posts out, but there are just so many things that have been going on.

things have a tendency to turn all pear shaped all of a sudden and i can't tell you which end is up. i have much confusion these days. not so much because of my own emotions, but because of how what others do can have such a profound effect on them.

i'm trying to work through everything calmly and rationally. ha! have you known me to be calm OR rational?! i know, i know... but i'm trying!

in other news: the snow is gone! did you hear me?!

the. snow. IS. GONE!!!

it's actually been in the 50s and 60s this week. i am almost too happy for words to wear my flip flops outside!

i hope you all have loverly weekend!! ...i know i'm hoping to :)

la la land

ok, so... i swear i'm not trying to be a hermit... well, maybe i am, but not on purpose. i've had several people message or call me to make sure that i'm still alive. love you guys for checking on me!

i'm here! i just get busy or am off in la la land or some combination of the 2. also, you can almost always find me on the twitter. that's about the only thing i really keep up with lately.

apparently, i can't focus to save my life today! i had a ton of stuff to write about and then i got distracted and it all flew away...

i love the way my brain works! ...sometimes.

well, here's something fun to listen to today mouth by bush... mostly because it's um.. hot! enjoy!

so random: lellow jewwy beans

with a twinkle in her eye "mommy! i have a lellow jewwy bean in my mouf right now!" <--- the girl said this while her and the boy were eating frozen yogurt today at froyoz. she was so excited and matter of fact about it. it was hilarious! totally made me giggle.

random fact #1: i went to a ladies luncheon today with sg. it was one of those lunches where the host is trying to get you to buy into whatever they're selling. it was interesting. the product was this anti-aging stuff that's made by the same people who make pro active.

since when did i get old enough to think about anti-aging products? and who the h* let this happen?!

last i check, i don't even turn 30 until NEXT october... *sigh*

random fact #2: i look like i have old lady hands. this cold weather wreaks havoc on my skin moisture-wise, so in the wrong light my hands look way older than they are. i'm def gonna have to work on this!

random fact #3: the boy got 9 'As' and 2 'Bs' on his report card this time around. i'm so proud of him! he had a tough time keeping up last year, but he's really stepped his game up this year and it shows.

as a reward i bought him a book that he's been wanting and took him to a movie. he and i don't get much time together without the girl, so he loved it.

random fact #4: i cut my hair back in october. i know, old news... but i've had major anxiety over it ever since. it really was like cutting off a limb or something like that. to give you an idea of what i'm talking about, it was almost down to my waste and now (months later) it hits about an inch or so past my collar bone.

random fact #5: have i mentioned that i hate the snow? 'cause i do. with the fore of a thousand suns. i'm so over the idea, concept and manifestation of the winter.

random fact #6: i'm finally getting more sleep. i'm not really sure what's changed other than things are kinda settling down a bit. i keep waiting for the anxiety to attack, but it doesn't attack as often. i'm sure that has a lot to do with the sleeping.

welp, i think that's all for now.

perhaps soon, i'll get back to a better posting schedule. i see this as a start :)

hope you all have a lovely weekend!!

hugs to you and big wet kisses!

wild animals

hey, hey!

hi! how are ya?

*high fives the guy over there*

yeah! so hey, thanks for coming!!

ha! i think i'm losing it?! like for real... *crosses and uncrosses eyes*

so the snow... *deep breathe* we have been snowed in off and on for the last 3 days. it's not been blizzard conditions or anything like that. it's just not been safe to drive in all this crap.

the schools have been closed and they open an hour late tomorrow. i hate to say it, but i'll be glad to get back to work and whatnot.

there is just something about not being able to get out of the house that makes children turn into wild animals. the stircrazy has taken over. and MY wild animals have just about made me pull my hair out.

like this, but with snow...

have i told you how much i hate the snow?! as far as i'm concerned this snow can take a freakin hike!!

i'm working on it

being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~lao tzu

this quote apparently has been all over twitter and of course ended up on my facebook page...

i'm up way past my bedtime, but i'm watching my beautiful little girl sleep.

anywho, i was reading through these posts from when i took my little break.(i have 8 of them, by the way) one day when the dust has settled and cleared, i will post them. in these posts i talk about things that have happened that have had such an effect on me that they've in part changed the way that i think about life.

i was happy before. i mean, i've always been happy fundamentally, but i was really loving life. i want to get back to that. i'm working on it.

in other news: i had an amazing new years! this was the first time in 10yrs that i got to dress up and got to go out on the town. it was nice to put on a party dress and see what all the excitement was about.

in other other news: text messages and late night conversations happened...

remember that thing i said was over? well, it's kinda not. then again, it might be... idk. *sigh* there is much conversation that still needs to happen, but i know that i'm just not ready to close the door yet.

more on that later, i suppose.

the rear view

i keep reading all of these recaps and resolutions and whatnot about this last year and the year to come and it got me thinking...

for me, 2010 was a year of extremes. it was the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. there has been love, passion, hope, sadness, loss, grief and so much more in between. my hope for me and for you is that this coming year will be filled with less extremes and more happiness.

i know we could all use some happiness.