those things were real

why? just why?

why does this have to hurt so much?

why does missing someone have to hurt?

tonight, i cry.

tonight, i have pain and can't eat. why is this? what makes tonight any different than any other night in the last 6 weeks? is it the moon? is it some other factor?

maybe it's that i've had so much on my plate, that as i clear these things it makes more time for my gears to turn about things that i would rather forget...

yes, i said forget.

it's easier to try and forget than it is to try and make sense.

the day to day things, they make sense. it's the other things that lie under the surface that don't.

sometimes i feel like i'm losing my mind.

but then, i go back and read and know that that's not the case.

those memories really happened. those words were really said. those emotions were really felt. those things were real.

in the end, no matter how we try to fill the void, it's still a void.

i've been hearing pretty words, but from the wrong people. for some reason, that hurts more than not hearing them at all.

maybe i've stepped to far outside of my comfort zone too fast...

i've moved and i'm starting a new job monday morning, but i find myself longing for those other things that have been somewhat of a constant in my life for so long. that's not wrong is it?

*sigh*