i have no idea where i found this, but i wanted to share...
"I love you. It's not a weight you must carry around. I love you. It's not a box that holds you in. I love you. It's not a standard you have to bear. I love you. It's not a sacrifice I make. I love you. It's not a pedestal you are frozen upon. I love you. It's not an expectation of perfection. I love you. It's not my life's whole purpose (or your's). I love you. It's not to make you change. I love you. It's not even to make you love me. I love you. It's as pure and simple as that."
wishing you all a happy and productive week!!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
just SMACK!
i see this as an opportunity, this life of mine...
i feel good. gah! i feel so good! i have so many things to be happy for. i have so many blessing to be thankful for. i know that i write so much about the conflicts within myself, but in reality, that's all they are conflicts WITHIN.
some things in my life i can't control. i just can't. but i know that i need to quit focusing on those things. i have a tendency toward dark moods based on what's going on around me. i don't want that. i have to stop that.
sunday morning i hit a wall, just SMACK! right into it. i came to the realization that, all these things that i get caught up in are not important. i'm not here to please anyone else but my loved ones. i want to be a blessing and never a hindrance to anyone. so what am i doing?!
i AM too nice. i know this. people tell me this all the time. i try to help people who don't want to be helped, people who want nothing more than to take advantage of my kindness, people who take and take and take and never give back. i need to work on that...
co and i have a mutual friend that we both just adore, in an 'i love my brother' kind of way. he made an observation the other day and i just have to share it because it holds a great analogy.
"so i saw something pretty cool. a bird got hurt and fell in the backyard. we have 3 bird dogs, so of course they went after it. out of nowhere, like 30 birds came flying in around the fallen bird to protect it. which gave me enough time to save it and get it out of the yard.
... must be nice to know you got friends like that!"
i just loved this so much! THIS is what i want! THIS is the kind of friend i want to be and THIS is the kind of friends i want to surround myself with... i want to go through life uplifting people and loving and sharing!
i feel good. gah! i feel so good! i have so many things to be happy for. i have so many blessing to be thankful for. i know that i write so much about the conflicts within myself, but in reality, that's all they are conflicts WITHIN.
some things in my life i can't control. i just can't. but i know that i need to quit focusing on those things. i have a tendency toward dark moods based on what's going on around me. i don't want that. i have to stop that.
sunday morning i hit a wall, just SMACK! right into it. i came to the realization that, all these things that i get caught up in are not important. i'm not here to please anyone else but my loved ones. i want to be a blessing and never a hindrance to anyone. so what am i doing?!
i AM too nice. i know this. people tell me this all the time. i try to help people who don't want to be helped, people who want nothing more than to take advantage of my kindness, people who take and take and take and never give back. i need to work on that...
co and i have a mutual friend that we both just adore, in an 'i love my brother' kind of way. he made an observation the other day and i just have to share it because it holds a great analogy.
"so i saw something pretty cool. a bird got hurt and fell in the backyard. we have 3 bird dogs, so of course they went after it. out of nowhere, like 30 birds came flying in around the fallen bird to protect it. which gave me enough time to save it and get it out of the yard.
... must be nice to know you got friends like that!"
i just loved this so much! THIS is what i want! THIS is the kind of friend i want to be and THIS is the kind of friends i want to surround myself with... i want to go through life uplifting people and loving and sharing!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
be gone black cloud!
one of my girls said this when i asked her how she was doing this morning and i thought is was so funny that i had to tweet it:
"i'm plotting murder and trying to figure out how to go lesbo without having to lick anything gross."
yes, my dear friends give me much fodder.
ok, so here's the thing...
i'm seeing way too much negativity and frustration pop up in my life recently. while i know where some of it stems from, i don't know where all of it stems from. and it's making me a little bit nuts! part of it is that it doesn't really have anything to do with me, just the people around me. i'm trying not to get caught up, but people still try to involve me in things that are none of my business.
anyway, so here i am.
what it all comes down to is that i made a commitment to myself to do better and be better. i love and i want to be loved back. i want people to see that, not just through my writing or my facebook posts, but also through my words and actions.
i see some friendships take not just a negative turn, but they are starting to have a toxic effect on my most important relationships, like a black cloud hanging over me. and i just can't have it! i won't have it! i will not let other people ruin the progress that i have made in my life. period.
some people are not going to like it, but i have to do what is best for me and my sanity.
plus, there's that whole thing where i want to just be happy. there are so many things going right in my life. and i want to be able to enjoy that.
"i'm plotting murder and trying to figure out how to go lesbo without having to lick anything gross."
yes, my dear friends give me much fodder.
ok, so here's the thing...
i'm seeing way too much negativity and frustration pop up in my life recently. while i know where some of it stems from, i don't know where all of it stems from. and it's making me a little bit nuts! part of it is that it doesn't really have anything to do with me, just the people around me. i'm trying not to get caught up, but people still try to involve me in things that are none of my business.
anyway, so here i am.
what it all comes down to is that i made a commitment to myself to do better and be better. i love and i want to be loved back. i want people to see that, not just through my writing or my facebook posts, but also through my words and actions.
i see some friendships take not just a negative turn, but they are starting to have a toxic effect on my most important relationships, like a black cloud hanging over me. and i just can't have it! i won't have it! i will not let other people ruin the progress that i have made in my life. period.
some people are not going to like it, but i have to do what is best for me and my sanity.
plus, there's that whole thing where i want to just be happy. there are so many things going right in my life. and i want to be able to enjoy that.
Monday, May 31, 2010
seeking clarity
"well, i guess i'll have to cancel my sailboat ride to israel..." ~funny quote from a friend.
i know it's supposed to have to do with the current news, but i thought it was a funny thing to say.
today... today is monday. also, it's memorial day. i think we've already established that i hate mondays. mondays are usually when i try to get my head on straight about the weekend that i just had.
this weekend falls in the 'odd' category. *sigh* i'm kinda back to being conflicted about things. i see things. i do things. i want things.
i'm looking for something like a sign to tell me what direction to go in. i'm trying to figure out what is worth pursuing. and if it is worth pursuing, then what's the right way to do that? what path do i take?
recently i have been tested and on some level, i think i have more clarity concerning some things in my life. i know that i have lost focus for a bit. i'm trying to gain that back. i know that i am the only one that knows my wants and needs. and that i need to make them clear to all parties concerned, because how else are they going to know, unless i tell them?
anyway, happy memorial day!! don't forget to thank a vet :)
i know it's supposed to have to do with the current news, but i thought it was a funny thing to say.
today... today is monday. also, it's memorial day. i think we've already established that i hate mondays. mondays are usually when i try to get my head on straight about the weekend that i just had.
this weekend falls in the 'odd' category. *sigh* i'm kinda back to being conflicted about things. i see things. i do things. i want things.
i'm looking for something like a sign to tell me what direction to go in. i'm trying to figure out what is worth pursuing. and if it is worth pursuing, then what's the right way to do that? what path do i take?
recently i have been tested and on some level, i think i have more clarity concerning some things in my life. i know that i have lost focus for a bit. i'm trying to gain that back. i know that i am the only one that knows my wants and needs. and that i need to make them clear to all parties concerned, because how else are they going to know, unless i tell them?
anyway, happy memorial day!! don't forget to thank a vet :)
Friday, May 28, 2010
so random: fawk you friday!! 3rd ed.
alright!! it fawk you friday again!!
let's get this crackin'!!
this week has been kinda rough on me as evidenced by some of my previous posts... as a result i have a tendency to analyze myself and the things and people around me. i have examined some friendships and have found them wanting.
therefore, it is time to CLEAR THE DECK!!
so, today i say...
fawk you anxiety!!
fawk you cancer!!
fawk you parasites who try to take advantage of my generosity!!
fawk you exhaustion that comes from not getting enough sleep!!
fawk you dudes that take advantage of my chicas!!
fawk you negativity that creeps in when i'm not paying enough attention!!
fawk you condescending jerks that think you can talk down to me!!
ahhh... i'm glad i got that out... now it's your turn!!
thanks to our gracious host at boobies, babies, and a blog.
let's get this crackin'!!
this week has been kinda rough on me as evidenced by some of my previous posts... as a result i have a tendency to analyze myself and the things and people around me. i have examined some friendships and have found them wanting.
therefore, it is time to CLEAR THE DECK!!
so, today i say...
fawk you anxiety!!
fawk you cancer!!
fawk you parasites who try to take advantage of my generosity!!
fawk you exhaustion that comes from not getting enough sleep!!
fawk you dudes that take advantage of my chicas!!
fawk you negativity that creeps in when i'm not paying enough attention!!
fawk you condescending jerks that think you can talk down to me!!
ahhh... i'm glad i got that out... now it's your turn!!
thanks to our gracious host at boobies, babies, and a blog.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
so random: confessions... and other stuff
short conversation between me and the boy the other day:
him: "i don't have to wear sunglasses, the sun doesn't hurt my eyes"
me: "it does mine"
him: "probly 'cause you're oooooold"
me: "oh, thanks"
*sigh* geeze... there's nothing like your 7yr old son to point out that you're getting older... say "goodbye confidence"
most days i still try and hang on to the fact that i'm still in my 20s, but having a kid that just finished 2nd grade doesn't help matters.
i always have so much going on in this head of mine, that sometimes i just need to get it all out...
random fact #1: i'm feeling very introverted and a little cranky today. i feel like i'm still trying to grab onto something to pull myself up by... it's like there is that 'thing' that is right there in front of me that i can't see and i can't quite reach. i'm working on it though.
random fact #2: sometimes i fake it... not THAT(faking THAT would be a disservice to myself, kwim?). i mean that i fake 'happy' sometimes. like right now... unless, i've talked to you personally or you've read some of my recent posts, then you wouldn't know that things aren't going super awesome in my life.
people post depressing statuses on facebook and myspace all the time, but to me that's kinda dumb. no one else REALLY cares if you're absolutely miserable or brokenhearted or depressed, only people that truly care about you do that. plus, there is that whole thing where i don't like everyone (meaning my 340something fb friends) knowing all my business, except for you guys... but even then, i don't over-share.
random fact #3: my now 4yr old daughter has taken up residence in my bed at night. this wouldn't be so much of an issue for me, if i didn't sleep with my laptop...
yes, i sleep with my laptop in the bed... *sigh*
it started out that i would just fall asleep with it on. it's gotten to a point now that i've actually made a specific music playlist to sleep to. i know! i'm addicted, but there are way worse things to be addicted to, so there's that.
random fact #4: i'm quickly going blond, not on purpose though. what i really want is blond highlights and pink panels underneath. i had them for a day, but they washed out. i'm not really sure why. it's possible that my stylist didn't let the pink process long enough, because they were supposed to be permanent.
i've decided not to go back to the dark brunette that i had in the fall and winter, but only because it messed with my confidence a little bit. the blond seems to fit my personality a lot better, or at least that's what i've been told.
random fact #5: i don't like it when chicks come-on to me. in fact, i've decided that it really weirds me out, like bad.
random fact #6: i hate confrontation. like seriously!! i'm a puss until i've been pushed to my breaking point. i've been told so many times that i'm just too nice. i guess it's because i try to have patience with people, because you never know what they are really going though or what they may be struggling with.
i think that's all for now, but maybe more later...
him: "i don't have to wear sunglasses, the sun doesn't hurt my eyes"
me: "it does mine"
him: "probly 'cause you're oooooold"
me: "oh, thanks"
*sigh* geeze... there's nothing like your 7yr old son to point out that you're getting older... say "goodbye confidence"
most days i still try and hang on to the fact that i'm still in my 20s, but having a kid that just finished 2nd grade doesn't help matters.
i always have so much going on in this head of mine, that sometimes i just need to get it all out...
random fact #1: i'm feeling very introverted and a little cranky today. i feel like i'm still trying to grab onto something to pull myself up by... it's like there is that 'thing' that is right there in front of me that i can't see and i can't quite reach. i'm working on it though.
random fact #2: sometimes i fake it... not THAT(faking THAT would be a disservice to myself, kwim?). i mean that i fake 'happy' sometimes. like right now... unless, i've talked to you personally or you've read some of my recent posts, then you wouldn't know that things aren't going super awesome in my life.
people post depressing statuses on facebook and myspace all the time, but to me that's kinda dumb. no one else REALLY cares if you're absolutely miserable or brokenhearted or depressed, only people that truly care about you do that. plus, there is that whole thing where i don't like everyone (meaning my 340something fb friends) knowing all my business, except for you guys... but even then, i don't over-share.
random fact #3: my now 4yr old daughter has taken up residence in my bed at night. this wouldn't be so much of an issue for me, if i didn't sleep with my laptop...
yes, i sleep with my laptop in the bed... *sigh*
it started out that i would just fall asleep with it on. it's gotten to a point now that i've actually made a specific music playlist to sleep to. i know! i'm addicted, but there are way worse things to be addicted to, so there's that.
random fact #4: i'm quickly going blond, not on purpose though. what i really want is blond highlights and pink panels underneath. i had them for a day, but they washed out. i'm not really sure why. it's possible that my stylist didn't let the pink process long enough, because they were supposed to be permanent.
i've decided not to go back to the dark brunette that i had in the fall and winter, but only because it messed with my confidence a little bit. the blond seems to fit my personality a lot better, or at least that's what i've been told.
random fact #5: i don't like it when chicks come-on to me. in fact, i've decided that it really weirds me out, like bad.
random fact #6: i hate confrontation. like seriously!! i'm a puss until i've been pushed to my breaking point. i've been told so many times that i'm just too nice. i guess it's because i try to have patience with people, because you never know what they are really going though or what they may be struggling with.
i think that's all for now, but maybe more later...
Monday, May 24, 2010
in the middle
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride. everything, everything will be just fine. everything will be alright... ~jimmy eat world
remember that song? it's kinda from back in the day(2001) almost 10 years ago. i heard it the other day on the radio and got a little nostalgic.
this was an odd weekend. not odd in the things that happened really, but odd in where my head is at. i think the fact that i haven't had nearly enough sleep is messing with my head. i think it's kinda messing with my confidence too. *sigh* i try so hard to stay out of this funk, but it doesn't always work.
i woke up this morning kinda just 'over it'. i'm over the struggle. this single mom stuff is not easy. and things just keep getting dropped in my lap.
my situation is def not ideal. in fact there are some days that i just want to escape from it all. today is a day like that, when i kinda feel like crying.
it's weird! i really don't get it. i'm usually stronger than this. i just know that i'm tired and don't want to deal with anyone else's crap today.
i've also noticed recently that i have people in my life that have become some what parasitic. this is bad. i'm starting to feel kinda used and i really don't like it.
i know that i need to take better care of myself right now. i feel like i'm running out, not sure of what, but just running out of something. i need to recharge. i need to feed my soul. i need to be petted and taken care of.
remember that song? it's kinda from back in the day(2001) almost 10 years ago. i heard it the other day on the radio and got a little nostalgic.
this was an odd weekend. not odd in the things that happened really, but odd in where my head is at. i think the fact that i haven't had nearly enough sleep is messing with my head. i think it's kinda messing with my confidence too. *sigh* i try so hard to stay out of this funk, but it doesn't always work.
i woke up this morning kinda just 'over it'. i'm over the struggle. this single mom stuff is not easy. and things just keep getting dropped in my lap.
my situation is def not ideal. in fact there are some days that i just want to escape from it all. today is a day like that, when i kinda feel like crying.
it's weird! i really don't get it. i'm usually stronger than this. i just know that i'm tired and don't want to deal with anyone else's crap today.
i've also noticed recently that i have people in my life that have become some what parasitic. this is bad. i'm starting to feel kinda used and i really don't like it.
i know that i need to take better care of myself right now. i feel like i'm running out, not sure of what, but just running out of something. i need to recharge. i need to feed my soul. i need to be petted and taken care of.
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