Tuesday, August 21, 2012


the trouble with being a chameleon is that though you can fit in anywhere, you never know where you truly belong.

reality is hard.

i'm ready for things to start settling down. too many things are happening all at once. you would think that i would feel more settled now that i'm here with family, but most of the time it's the opposite.

as time goes by i feel even more like a high flying acrobat without a net. i suppose it's insecurity in myself or the things going on around me. in a way, i want to retreat. but retreat back to what? there is nothing anywhere else to go back to.

i still have the uncanny ability to put myself in some of the stupidest situations. though, sometimes i tend to think that maybe i'm just overreaching with my heart.
either way, stupid.

i know some of this sounds a bit enigmatic, but it's all still tangled like old shoelaces. there's been old friends, a funeral, airplanes, hospitals, arguments, not enough music and way to much alcohol. and love, there's been love, but even that is confusing and complicated.

i will be happy when things start making more sense.

(no metaphors were hurt in the writing of this post)

Friday, August 17, 2012

just what i needed

all we want is someone that wants our everything.

so... i've met someone. go ahead and let that sink in.

i'm always so hesitant to tell you all about new people in my life, because i never really know how long they are going to stick around. but this guy, he's... well, he's wonderful. we've been seeing each other for almost 7 weeks.
while my heart has been breaking elsewhere in my life, he's been my bright star in this storm. i think he knows that he's been looking for someone like me as well. or so he says when he says that i'm just what he needed.
he says that this is my song just what i needed by the cars. i adore that he gets it with the music!
he's a sweet, sincere kind of guy. he treats me like a human being. i don't know that i've ever had someone treat me so well and want so much of me. this is def new territory for me. it's amazing and absolutely terrifying at the same time.

being with someone that brings you joy, that's the goal, right?