Monday, November 30, 2009

so random

i feel so random today. everything just seems kind of scattered. it's all rainy and ick outside today. i think that kinda messes with me sometimes. not in a depressing way, but it makes me feel caged or restless. i know i'm not the only one. the weather seems to have a funny effect on everyone.

i didn't realize all of this random stuff was going on, all at once, in my head right now. but here it is:

random fact 1: i am exhausted. yet i have less than the normal amount of caffeine in my system and am WIDE awake. and i'm in a pretty decent mood too. weird, right.

random fact 2: after reading saint tigerlily's post about pie crust, i want to make a pie. like a really good apple pie or maybe a peach cobbler. of course i so don't need to do this, because i'm trying to lose a few pounds and will end up eating the majority of said pie by myself.

random fact 3: i met someone new. of all things, he saw me on my friends facebook profile and asked about me. so she set it up.
i've been a lil apprehensive about posting anything about him here, not sure why. i've been out with him 6 times, so you would think i would get it together and say something, right. more about him later.

random fact 4: i have another doctors appointment coming up on the 7th. the closer it gets, the more nervous i get. it's the big one, where they check under the hood to make sure the cancer hasn't come back. they'll also be doing some other tests to make sure everything else has settled down. stupid body!

random fact 5: i'm dreading christmas. i didn't handle thanksgiving so well this year. it's not that i don't like it or anything like that. i love the holiday's. it's that i'm homesick and i miss my family. i was really bad and didn't call either set on thanksgiving, but in my defense nobody called me either. i guess i just didn't feel like crying on thanksgiving. is that so bad? can you tell i have guilt over it?

random fact 6: i haven't heard from fr in just over 2 weeks. i'm not sure what to think about that. it bothers me kinda. the last time i talked to him, he was drinking liquor. he's not really supposed to be doing that anymore. i worry about him.

random fact 7: i'm officially a brunette. think red brown like fergie, not brown black like dita von teese. i've had honey colored highlights for the last year or so. i'm just not sure what i think of it yet.

these are just a few things i've been thinking about.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

apple pizzas

seriously... i might be losing it, but i'm totally baking in the middle of the night. for some reason i get this wild hair and am all of a sudden wide awake at 1 and 2 am. so tonight i'm making apple pizzas. i've had something similar before. it just sounded good for breakfast in the morning.

the ingredients:
for the glaze
1 1/3 c sugar
2/3 c water
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
4 T butter
1 T vanilla extract

2 apples peeled and sliced
3 small pizza crusts

boil the sugar, water, vanilla, and pumpkin pie spice til it starts getting syrupy. add butter and let melt. let cool for maybe 10 min. mix syrup with apples. add mixture to top of pizza crusts. bake at 425 for 20 min. the edges of the crust will be slightly browned, the apples should look soft and opaque, and your house should smell like apple pie. let cool and enjoy.

p.s. i know i'm not the best with the recipe terms, but i'm not an actual chef... so there. i just make what i think tastes good :)

quick note: i think 3 apples would have made it even better, but may add to the cook time.

Monday, November 23, 2009

lil muddled

i want to write today. i'm just not sure about what. things are a lil muddled in my head still, but less complicated then they were... i think.

ha. i think i might be turning into a hermit. i've been at home ALOT, even to the point of not going anywhere except church this whole weekend. i didn't even have the 'itch' to go out this weekend. i wonder what that means? i, for sure, felt the need for a break from the kidlets last night. but i think that partly had to do with anticipating having a break and not getting it. does that make sense? probably not, but oh well. i think the idea is that i want the interaction, but not the insanity that goes along with it.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

i have nothing on these gals...

ok, really... my life is complicated and sometimes it royally sucks to be me. but my little problems have nothing on these gals...

megan at the undomestic diva is an amazing person. i love to read about her boys and all her crazy antics with candy ass. i can relate so well to so many things that she says. she's just funny and honest. most importantly, she gives of herself to others to help spread awareness about issues that are so close to all of our hearts.
this morning her post was a little confusing to me. but after reading the blog that she linked to it makes so much more sense as to why. this is what she said:

Anissa's situation has obviously hit hard with me; the timing impeccable with my last post. I ache for her and her husband and children - I can't help but put myself in her position which just terrifies me to my core.

this makes me just want to hug her for being such a great person.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

good day to sleep

today i still don't feel well... kinda achy and ugh. i had a dr appt yesterday and there's something about elevated white blood cells. not good, i know. stupid body!

in other news: i had a pretty good weekend. friday was my friends bachelorette party. it was a blast!
saturday me and the girl grilled out with lb and her kidlets. it was nice. we hadn't done that in a while. i love grilling out, it's always so relaxing and peaceful.
sunday was a good day. i haven't formulated what i want to say about that just yet. but soon as i do, i'll post about it.

i know i don't really have a lot to say today, but i have pain, so bear with me k

Thursday, November 12, 2009


ugh, i don't feel good today. headaches and puking because of headaches suck a*! having to work through it all sucks even more! that is all...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

upside down

today i'm all upside down... i have been for the last couple of days. there are a million little things running around in my head. it's like having bits and pieces of a puzzle, but not enough to see what the whole picture is yet. i hate that. i hate not knowing stuff, or worse, only knowing part of the story. yeesh...

in other news: my dad joined facebook today. weird.

Friday, November 6, 2009

ladies night!

so yeah, last night... i did THAT! it was sooo fun! my girls are awesome for including me!
ha. there is nothing like nearly naked men dancing in the middle of a sea of grown women. it was funny, people kept telling me that they are all gay and i just kept saying "i don't care what they are, i just want to look at them".
i hear... that one of the girls even took one of them home with her...

p.s. it wasn't me!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

okay in the end

this passage is profound! it was sent to me by my very beautiful friend melissa of alosha's kitchen. she is an amazing person and the best of friends. thank you so much for this!

It really doesn't matter when something negative happens to you on any one specific day. It is all blessed fuel for your spiritual awakening. Your ego will of course be judging your experience as wrong, terrible or consider it to be the dramatic victim of all creation (if you allow it to do so). Anything that arises that is not in perfect alignment with what is "supposed" to happen (according to the ego) the mind throws a mini or major fit. So when you get triggered by something or someone, you can stop and re-center yourself on the thought that, "everything works out perfectly in the end." The contracted experience you are having will all of a sudden feel easier to handle and you will more consciously work with the feelings that are arising in that moment.

"We live the perfect process created by the Universe, and we do that perfectly—whether we realize it or not." ~ Osho

The strangest thing about life is that it really all does work out perfectly in the end. In the midst of suffering your mind will not trust, believe or agree with this. Yet, the truth is that from the vantage point of your soul, everything is always divinely orchestrated to perfection no matter what happens. The whole Universe is conspiring in awakening you to experience the truth of who you are, and sometimes will attempt to give you a growth experience that your ego doesn't like at all! The only reason we ever experience that things are not working out in life is because the mind/ego cannot always see the bigger picture from the perspective of one's soul.

The truth is that everything always works out perfectly in the end. When you hold onto this thought for an extended period of time, it soon becomes a mood, attitude and an approach to life. By diving into the feeling that everything in the future will work out to divine perfection, you can relax, explore your spiritual essence deeper and actually enjoy your life! With practice you will discover the hidden blessing that any challenging situation was trying to offer you, and the opportunity for the growth that was buried within it.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

things pop up

so my subconscious.... yeah, she's a b*tch. apparently, when i drink too much things pop up that i just don't expect.

friday was bad! it was just bad! i had the mother of all stupid girl moments. not only was it a stupid girl moment, but it was a drunken stupid girl moment... in public. *sigh* this is just something that CANNOT happen again.
i was so stupid and went to fr's show on friday. i didn't want to go, but i still talked myself into it. it was just supposed to be closure. that's what i needed. instead it was me drinking too much and acting badly. what's worse is that i didn't even know i was feeling that way. wtf

i'm not sure if he's mad at me or anything at this point. we're supposed to talk in a few days. gah! i feel horrible.

more later