be-longing

the trouble with being a chameleon is that though you can fit in anywhere, you never know where you truly belong.

reality is hard.

i'm ready for things to start settling down. too many things are happening all at once. you would think that i would feel more settled now that i'm here with family, but most of the time it's the opposite.

as time goes by i feel even more like a high flying acrobat without a net. i suppose it's insecurity in myself or the things going on around me. in a way, i want to retreat. but retreat back to what? there is nothing anywhere else to go back to.

i still have the uncanny ability to put myself in some of the stupidest situations. though, sometimes i tend to think that maybe i'm just overreaching with my heart.
either way, stupid.

i know some of this sounds a bit enigmatic, but it's all still tangled like old shoelaces. there's been old friends, a funeral, airplanes, hospitals, arguments, not enough music and way to much alcohol. and love, there's been love, but even that is confusing and complicated.

i will be happy when things start making more sense.

(no metaphors were hurt in the writing of this post)