Sunday, September 16, 2012

so random: strong

strong woman cry behind closed doors, fight battles that most are unaware of and judge themselves, not others.

random fact #1: i got my feelings hurt friday night; that's right, i'm not made of stone. instead of standing up for myself and making it known, i just went along like everything was fine. i just let it go. i didn't want to ruin things.
in a way though, maybe i AM ruining things. maybe allowing this person to think that i'm just ok with things the way that they are is doing myself a disservice. ugh. i'm sure that i'm probably just over thinking it and i'll be fine tomorrow. i'm just being oversensitive and letting my vulnerability show.

gotta work on that vulnerability thing.

random fact #2: i finally found myself a job. i'm pretty excited about it, like in a big way. i feel like i've been looking foreeeeeeever. finally i'll be able to get back with a more normal routine.

random fact #3: i've lost 11lbs since i moved here. crazy, right? well, i've been trying to take better care of myself. i'm so over the pain, the headaches, the random bruising and the blood pressure issues. so i started getting a lot more physical and eating cleaner. when you don't have people looking at you like you're insane for wanting to take better care of yourself, it's easy.
i stopped eating gluten all together and that seems to have had a positive affect on my digestion. yay for a happy tummy!
i now work out/walk/cardio at least 4-5 days a week. now this has made a HUGE difference. i feel stronger and happier and more alert. yay endorphins!!

random fact #4: i stopped drinking. that might fall under the losing weight thing, but i think it deserves to have it's own line/category. i don't have to drink to have a good time, i never have.
after giving it quite a bit of thought, i've realized that i have a tendency to use alcohol as something to make me forget or as an escape. i also use it to curb my anxiety. it's fun when it's a social lubricant, but only in moderation.

i also want to be supportive of others around me that have stopped drinking recently.

random fact #5: gator boy and i watched the tennessee vs. florida game together today. we went to a sports bar in town and ate bar food. it was a great time! i missed having someone to do stuff like that with.
living in tennessee, i never lacked for company or someone to go do something with. not that i do now, but i prefer the company of gb over most others. some days gb and mg are the only 2 people in the world that i want to hear from, aside from the kidlets of course.

so that's it for me, for now.

it's funny; before, on a saturday night after a game, i would be somewhere in something short and great shoes listening to live music. now, i'm at home in pajama pants and monkey slippers (still great shoes) listening to pandora. it seems like it was another world sometimes, but we can reminisce about life another day.

sending you big hugs and dreams of butterflies!

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