pressure

i feel like i've been living under this weight the last couple of days. gah! what a relief to get that last post out of the way... sad, isn't it? it was great weekend. it was super awesome in fact, but dang, if i haven't retold that story enough times!
ok, now that i've got that out, i can get on with it. i know, complain, complain...

anywho, i have been all over the place the last couple days. thoughts, emotions, stresses, and a tinge of sad. not good things... well, some of them are, but i don't know what to do with them.
i'm sad that my mom had to leave already. i had such a great visit with her. usually, she stresses me out to an extreme.
you see, my mom likes control. she puts a lot of pressure on me to be that person that she idealizes in her head. i know she wants the best for me, but i have my own way of doing things and my own views about life. so yeah... me and her, we kinda butt heads.
this visit was different. it was for the most part without stress or pressure. i think it was easier, because i didn't put my life on hold for her visit. instead, i kinda dropped her in and let her see how it really is. i think she understands better who i am. wow! that's crazy isn't it??

the only thing that she pressured/questioned me about was sd. he had dinner with the group on friday night. it took my mom a minute to figure out who he was, but she's heard about him in the past. she couldn't understand why i don't date him. he's a great guy, stable, responsible, etc. plus! he bought me jewelry for my birthday....
i hate having to explain stuff like this to her, but i told her that he and i are friends only. while yes, he's great, he's just not for me. i like my independence and my 'freedom' and am not willing to give that up right now. i just don't have that 'thing', that connection with him that would make it worth it. period.

as for my thoughts and emotions that are giving me confusion, i'm still trying to formulate them. i'm not sure that i will write about them here. i may wait and post about them elsewhere. *wink*