playing catch up

*sigh* half the week is already gone and i still feel like i haven't caught up on everything from being sick.
i finally got my new car back yesterday. well, it's not brand new, but it's new to me... anywho, it had a blown head gasket after i'd only had it for 3 weeks. can we say expensive?
so i've been driving a loaner car. omg, it was so depressing. it was so bad that i worried that it would fall apart before i got my car back. so, i appreciate having my blue bell back that much more.(yes, i name my cars. shh... it's not weird)

in other news: it's 2 days til my birthday! yay me! don't get me wrong, i have plenty of chances to go out and spend time with friends. but i usually don't make a big deal about anything to do with myself. it's usually all about my friends or the kidlets. this one time a year, it's all about me! i love it!
my mom is flying in on thursday night to celebrate with us and spend time with the kidlets. i miss her so much. it's funny, the older i get the more i appreciate the time that i spent growing up in a large family. i truely wish that i could give that to the kidlets, but alas there are certain circumstances that stand in the way of me taking them home to california to live, mainly their fathers. plus, there's that whole thing where i actually know in my heart that i don't belong there.

in other other news: i've started with my cooking and baking again. not the everyday stuff, but the fun pretty stuff that i take pics of. i love trying new recipes and i especially love modifying them to fit my taste. i had taken a break from it for a while, because when all that crazy drama was going on i had the attention span of a goldfish.
so, stay tuned for yummy recipes and pics to come in the near future:)

grownups

as the fog is lifting

hehe... oops. it's been more than a week since my last post. i'm so bad, i know.

i feel like i have much to talk about, but the fog has not yet lifted this morning. me and mondays... yeah, we don't get along so well. these are the days that i just want to crawl back under my rock until at least noon. CAFFEINE!!... blessed caffeine, thy name is love...

grrr... still sleepy. *yawn*

this last week or so has gone by in kind of a flash. last weekend was WILD fun. friday... oh friday, was def an interesting start to my weekend. i was def ready for a night out. of all places, we started the night out at a strip club. wow! that's all i'm gonna say about that place... it was fun though.
we ended that night at a sports bar watching fr's band play. that may not have been the best choice, but it was super fun. i was testing the waters with a guy friend of mine, and he was so not excited about the way that fr looked at me. i didn't notice anything wrong, but whatever. dudes are funny that way. i so don't have the patience for jealousy. what's funny about that situation, is that this friend told me a few days later that he was going to try and get back with his ex. ha, story of my life these days...
saturday was supposed to be a girl's night with lb, but it didn't end up that way. 'my crew' called me wanting me to come with them. since i hadn't been out with them since all that drama on valentine's day, i just had to go. we went to a club that i hadn't been to since i was 19. holy wow! it was a blast! i danced and danced and danced... hehe, then i rode the mechanical bull. seriously, i did, i even have pics to prove it.

monday rolled around and i was done. i was so sick and achy. it was horrible. i don't even remember the last time i had cold chills. thank goodness it wasn't the actual flu, that would have sucked! ah, see it comes out, that's why i didn't blog last week. i was cocooned in my house trying to sleep off that stupid virus. i didn't even go into work until thursday. man, i must have been pathetic.

so here it was the weekend again.

friday was great! the boy went to his dad's for the weekend, so it was just me and the girl. we had some mommy time. it was a pretty tame night. out to dinner and then grocery shopping for our picnic the next day.

interesting turn of events- fr was texting. yep, i'm as shocked as you are... he was sweet. i'm such a sucker. so, i guess we get to hang out again. yay me!

i had so much fun with the girl on saturday. i took her to the corn maze and had a picnic. we went on a hayride and she got to pick out a pumpkin. it was so freezing so we didn't stay more than a few hours. i hate the cold.
that night i went out. we celebrated my friends birthday and i def got my birthday week off to a great start! we watched fr's band and i drank more than i should have. all in all, it was an amazing night.

i think too much

gah! i feel like such a baby. i get to thinking about the way that things are vs. the way that things were say 6 months ago. this just sucks. i need to find something to keep me busy.
this single no drama thing is working out pretty well as far as the stress factor goes. i def have a lot more time on my hands. i think i'm just lonely. i have great friends that i love to pieces, but i don't have that one person that i can talk to all the time about everything.
i know i said i'm closing up shop, but it's hard to stick to decisions like that. i'm sure i will for a while though. it is gonna take a lot for some one to get through all the road blocks.

what i needed to hear today

never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him,for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low, could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle. -soren kierkegaard

i give up

i do. i give up. i'm done. i'm over it, all of it.

i got a message on myspace this morning from fr. i thought 'oh how interesting... i wonder what that's about'
well, he was basically telling me that him and his ex have decided to give it another try at a relationship. so that means he can't hang out with me anymore. this totally sucks, cause i was really starting to like the way that things were going.

i think i'm kinda just over the dudes. fr would have been the ONLY guy i would have even considered. so now i'm closing up shop for a while. my heart can't take anymore. i need to protect myself from being hurt again.

boy, i make good banana bread!

"it has come to my attention that girls are good for two things. babies and banana bread. my kingdom for a baby banana bread."
~friend's facebook status on his birthday... so funny! or at least i thought it was. some people got a little offended.


anywho, this last weekend was busy, busy, busy. the boy stayed at his granny's house and the girls stayed with me.
friday there was so much to do that i was running around like a crazy person. first i had dinner, that i cooked, at lb's with all her girls. i made mediterranean chicken pasta, it turned out really well. we had so much fun and i didn't want to leave, but had other places that i had to go...

after leaving lb's i went to this sports bar called level10. i'd never been there before. it was great! i was there to see a band. one of my friends is the drummer and he had to leave yesterday for training before he gets deployed to iraq. (side note: please keep him and his family in your prayers) the guys were great! and the crowd was amazing. i didn't want to leave there either, but again was expected somewhere else.

on to the interesting part of the night...

fr's band was playing an unexpected show. and come to find out it was fr's birthday, so of course i had to go..lol. it was so much fun! they played one of my fav songs right after i got there, but really? who doesn't like darling nikki, by prince?
the crowd was meh, not so awesome, but it was a newer venue, so i'm sure if they play there again there will be a lot more people. ha, of course you know me... i'm the girl that will dance in the middle of a crowd just because i like the music, whether i've been drinking or not. so i enjoyed myself!
they didn't play as late as they usually do, but it didn't seem to be a big deal to anyone. i was there with rt and one of her friends. we sat and drank beer and talked to the band and some of their fans until they were finished tearing down their stuff.
it was fun talking to fr. we sat and talked for a while, just bsing and laughing at different things and people. finally we were both ready to go...
fr came over after that. that was nice. i think he's doing better, or maybe just dealing with things better. he's such a sweetheart. i like when i can just sit and talk to him and no one else is listening. i think we're both starting to have a pretty good understanding of each other. and i think he kinda gets it as far as me not looking for anything from anyone right now. i think that works for him.