Monday, April 26, 2010

grin and bear it

...i may not have the softest touch, i may not say the words as such and though i may not look like much i'm yours... ~the script

ok, so here it is... this post is where i bear my soul. it's a potential blog killer, but whatever i have to get it all out.

i love. (imagine that!) yes, i love.

how do i explain this? i'm stupid nuts about a guy. i'm always hesitant to post anything that could be considered as TMI here. but if you know me then you know who it is. we've had some good time, bad times, crazy times(mostly me crazy) and we've had some omgsoamazing times.

this man is my weakness.

things between us seem so complicated some time, but really they're not. there is nothing complicated about loving someone. it's the reality part of life that can be complicated.
i walk around with my 'game face' on like a mask. it's not that i want to hide how i feel. it's that i'm afraid of the rejection. there's a lot of potential to get hurt, when you give yourself(your heart) to someone.
this is what i've been so conflicted about. i've been spending a lot more time with him recently. and it's been wonderful. but our time is usually limited. what's hard for me is that i want more. more time, more of him, more of it all.
i want to tell him all of these things, but reality gets in the way. reality is kind of a bitch right now.

this is hard! i'm supposed to be the rock. everyone comes to me with their issues. but who do i go to? there are only a few of my friends that actually know it all.
so the question of the hour is this: do i keep this to myself and potentially let him slip away? or do i say where i am?


Rae said...

I'm here for you.....always.

andrea nina said...

i think everyone is scared of rejection, and it seems like the root of your dilemma stems from that fear.

if you ask me, i'd say that you should just be honest and straight forward with not only him but yourself as well. how much are you willing to put up with before it gets worse? talk out your concerns with him, but also allow him to speak his mind too.

you can't be expected to be "the rock" within your circle each time yourself or your friends are having problems. even rocks eventually turn into sand.