time for a change

i miss writing. not writing in the sense that i write this blog, but more like the poems and raw emotion with a pen and paper. i miss that. i don't do that anymore and i'm not really sure why. i think part of it has to do with the fact that for so long i didn't have the privacy that i needed. nothing that i had was considered mine. no matter if i had written something years ago, it was taken out of context and used against me.

i think it's time for a change in my life. i'm not exactly sure what that will be yet, but i think it will be something that others may not notice. well, they might, but only if they pay really close attention and most people don't. we all have our own lives and can be pretty self absorbed.
i seem to feel like i've been floating along waiting for something to happen and really i need to make something happen on my own. i realize this now. i have to get back to me, back to the girl that i was. i've been only halfway there for a long time.
i know that i need to make my home into my haven again. it's a hater free zone, but it's still only feels temporary. when i moved into my apartment i didn't have much. i still don't have much, but i do have stability or at least a more permanent feel to my life. i guess that's a start...