Monday, January 18, 2010

floating around without an anchor

so lately, esp within the last week or so, i've been carrying around these feelings of discontent. i think i've been doing really well about cutting the drama out of my life. that leaves me with a lot more time on my hands. time means i think, way too much. time also means that i have too much energy for my own good. all this nervous energy also means, that i have yet again the attention span of a goldfish.
so here i am with time and energy and nothing to do with it, but so many things to do. so many things that need attention, but are hard to finish because every other thing catches my attention. it's like i'm floating around without an anchor. nothing to ground me. this doesn't seem to be a good thing for me.
i seem to have experienced every raw, intense, negative, sad, frustrating emotion in the last few days. i don't get it, i really don't. i'm supposed to be happier and calmer with this new way of doing things, but i'm just all over the place.
something has shifted, i actually know what it is. i've gotten to a point where i'm kinda lonely. scattered attention from people and talking to friends can only fulfill so much. it's that whole anchor thing. with nothing to ground me, i kinda feel out of control in a way. i know this will pass, but it's kinda annoying.
i feel like i have to stay in and at home, because i don't want to get myself in trouble. and we all know how easy it is for me to find trouble. so in essence i've become a bit of a hermit. it's not so bad, but it's still lonely. *sigh* i wish i could find some kind of happy medium of sorts.

i've been flipping back and forth writing this post and doing a million other things and i just don't seem to have the patience for anything. wtf. what is wrong with me today?! grrrr...

oh well. more later i guess

1 comment:

Melissa said...

I know it's cliche, but hang in there. More answers will come and you'll find your direction, and your anchor.

I'm just eternally optimistic for you. ;)